What's this guy's deal?

I just don't know.

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I’ve spent approximately 30 hours watching the Sopranos thus far, starting around the second week of the new year. All my boys are back at school. This is my life until Sunday. Hell yeah.

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Ya’ll should be happy because I killed one of these motherfuckers two nights ago on Highland Street. But honestly if that doesn’t rank in the top 10 of your “Ugliest Animal” list, then I’m not sure what does. Thank god I didn’t have to look at it’s face before I hit it because I would have pissed my pants as well. So I was going a swift 45 mph down highland, a modest speed to my standards, and the little beast starts out running across the street. The split second it realizes its about to be struck by a 2003 Toyota Camry, it starts running down the street with me. I can do nothing but laugh at the fact that it thought it was going to outrun me. Now I don’t want to sound like a mass murderer, because I’d never purposely mow down animals, but I absolutely nailed this fucker. Although I am going by noises and bumps, this is the most accurate depiction of the 1.5 second time span it was getting owned by the vehicle. First noise is a thump: the little shit nailed its head on my front bumper, knocked out cold, hopefully put out before he had to deal with whats next. Second I feel a rise in the car on the front, right side: I clearly ran over the dang thing. Second, I hear and feel a bang on the bottom of the car: the wheel must have projected this critter at the bottom of my car, leaving it victim to whatever dangerous mechanics take place under my beast of a motor vehicle. Squeeze those three descriptions into 1.5 seconds and thats the story of how I owned an opposum. I called Mazz and told him the horrible (but secretly great) news. If you have seen the poor creature plastered to the road, you have seen my dirty deed. Peace, Love, and Roadkill, Devo

Ya’ll should be happy because I killed one of these motherfuckers two nights ago on Highland Street. But honestly if that doesn’t rank in the top 10 of your “Ugliest Animal” list, then I’m not sure what does. Thank god I didn’t have to look at it’s face before I hit it because I would have pissed my pants as well.

So I was going a swift 45 mph down highland, a modest speed to my standards, and the little beast starts out running across the street. The split second it realizes its about to be struck by a 2003 Toyota Camry, it starts running down the street with me. I can do nothing but laugh at the fact that it thought it was going to outrun me. Now I don’t want to sound like a mass murderer, because I’d never purposely mow down animals, but I absolutely nailed this fucker. Although I am going by noises and bumps, this is the most accurate depiction of the 1.5 second time span it was getting owned by the vehicle. First noise is a thump: the little shit nailed its head on my front bumper, knocked out cold, hopefully put out before he had to deal with whats next. Second I feel a rise in the car on the front, right side: I clearly ran over the dang thing. Second, I hear and feel a bang on the bottom of the car: the wheel must have projected this critter at the bottom of my car, leaving it victim to whatever dangerous mechanics take place under my beast of a motor vehicle. Squeeze those three descriptions into 1.5 seconds and thats the story of how I owned an opposum.

I called Mazz and told him the horrible (but secretly great) news. If you have seen the poor creature plastered to the road, you have seen my dirty deed.

Peace, Love, and Roadkill,

Devo

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I’m gonna start writing again…

…because I’m fucking bored. Also when I get back to school I’m going to have too much time on my hands.

Hit up the club last night with Drake. We fucking killed it. On a serious note I’m not sure I’m club material. I danced with a shit ton of girls of whom probably didn’t care for me and I’ll definately never see again. The only two girls I will potentially see again present an issue. One of the girls knows Brett from school and the other girl knows a kid I know at Bentley. Hey that’s cool, right?

It was cool…until a tragedy occurred. In mid-grind, one of the girl’s hairs entered my mouth. A single hair. It was interfering with my mental state, so I had to take action. I took one hand off of her and reached toward my mouth. I gave the hair a tug, but it was attached to the heaping piece of gum (two pieces) that I had foolishly been chomping on throughout the night. I didn’t know how to fix the issue, but I knew that a hand at mouth level at the club is awkward and kind of creepy to be honest. According to the actions of every guido there, hands should be firmly groping a girl or raised in the air as if conquering the world. Anyways, I had to act fast. I tried a one hand rip, attempting to seperate the gum from the hair. Guess what happened? Thats right. That hefty piece of gum landed right in the girls hair. I was terrified. The last minute and a half of the song couldn’t of seemed any longer. And to boot, I’m pretty sure her friend saw it, cause they were doing that whole “we’re girls so we get to whisper while grinding up on dudes we don’t like” type thing. If this girl had to go to the bathroom and chomp off half her head of hair, I’m sorry. Don’t get me wrong though, I laughed my fucking ass off as soon as I was a safe distance from that girl.

With that being said, I had a great facking time with some cool kids.

No more “Sincerely Devo” shit. I’m making some major renovations. I’m writing about the wonderfully embarassing things that won’t let me fall asleep until I tell someone. Welp, now I’m telling some people. Over and out motherfuckers.